Magic Mike is the arthouse film about male strippers you never knew you needed. Everything is perfect... except for Matthew McConaughey and his stringy body (no offense, Matt). In this mini-episode, we propose that Brad Pitt take over the role of Dallas instead – and we'll tell you exactly why.
Featuring hosts Hannah & Sarah.
This episode features supporting content. Scroll down!
Top 10 Multiverse Theories Involving Brad Pitt
Authors: Sarah Davis Baker, Hannah Skibbe, Anne Peterson
#1. Brad Pitt the Stripper
A universe where Brad Pitt dances at a gentlemen’s club, but no one seems to notice or care. He doesn’t make very much money.
#2. Hook Hand Brad
A multiverse where everything is the same except Brad Pitt has a hook hand. No one talks about it, and it hasn’t affected his career at all. It’s just there.
#3. Product Endorsement Brad
Brad Pitt is often on TV, trying to sell you knife sets. He’s still a very successful actor. He just also does a lot of product placement.
#4. Office Manager
Office Manager Brad was cast in Dark Side of the Sun, and never got cast again. He is a timely and well-dressed office manager, and a good leader. He always remembers his employee’s birthdays. Sometimes his long-forgotten acting gig comes up around the water cooler.
#5. 2008 Financial Crisis Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt loses it all in the housing bubble crash. He and his family move to a modest home in the suburbs. They downgrade to a 2000 Toyota Corolla and become a single-car household.
#6. Brad Pitt But He Looks Like Justin McElroy (and Vice Versa)
Self-explanatory. In this Freaky-Friday universe, Brad Pitt’s acting career is not affected, nor is his status as a heartthrob. My Brother, My Brother and Me is still formed and receives the same amount of success. The other brothers do not seem jealous.
#7. Brad Pitt is Our Best Friend
Brad Pitt discovers this podcast and thinks it’s really cool. He gives us a ring, we get drinks, and he reveals his top bracket picks. This does not influence the bracket.
#8. Stay-At-Home Dad Brad
Brad Pitt quits the acting biz to stay at home with Angelina Jolie and his beautiful children. Because of this, he never passes through Minnesota, and the couple never get divorced. Brad finds happiness in the quiet life.
#9. Brad Pitt is Werner Herzog
Just imagine Brad Pitt narrating Grizzly Man and you’ll see why this is a compelling multiverse theory. Brad’s smooth voice guides us through the existential horrors presented by these documentaries. In this multiverse, Werner Herzog narrates Voyage of Time as an unknown actor.
#10. Best Actor Brad Pitt
There’s still time for this universe to pull through. We’re rooting for you, Brad.